I don't think I'm fully alive until the clock strikes midnight.
But first, I'm going to go to the ball in a pumpkin and have little mice friends who's purpose in life is to love and help me through all my troubles.
I want the authority to behead those who disobey me, and to help the deserving ones.
To have roses thrown at my feet, and to have people bow in my presence. I'll have to endure the dark side of royalty, but that's ok. If it must be anyone, it should be me because I know I could handle the travesty. My constant need for attention and the theatricality of my soul are perfect in ensuring that the public get a perfectly flawed and dark princess--and an even darker queen, should I reign on.
But since I was not born into royalty, marrying into it is the only chance I have. Unless of course I am the real life Mia Thermopolis, and my parents have just been hesitant in telling me that I am the heir to the thrown of a fictional land. Yes, I have decided that is the truth, so I'm going to just wait around for Julie Andrews to appear as my savior.
But until then, I just need someone to come rescue me because I don't want to be locked in this cold, routine, peasant like life forever.
Ah, yes. Being saved from normal life would be wonderful.
But you see, my fellow peasants, deep down in my soul that's not what I want. The desire to be saved is a lie. A feeling of lust that my heart mistakenly assumes to be true. Beause the truth about life is that we have to save ourselves. To build our own castles. To turn our own rags into riches. And to break free from the way of life we were taught to accept.
Because we all deserve so much more. And we deserve to be the heroes of our stories.
As the great and powerful Lady Gaga one reminded me at the Monster Ball, many moons ago; "Even if the whole world turns their back on you, you'll always have yourself." I think of this often. That no matter how many times I'm ignored or forgotten, at least I have myself. No one owes us anything in life. Of course we have each other, but the only certainty we have in life is the relationship we have with ourselves. And as individuals, we have the power to launch our hearts into the lives we desire.
The thing about life is that I want it all. But I think in the end, all I want is to be free.
To be free of my insecurities, free of the things that are holding me back, and free of anything that has ever made me feel like I'm not good enough or pretty enough, or that I don't belong, or don't fit in.
I want complete freedom.
But freedom is not an act, it's a frame of mind. It's finding that inner peace in your soul which filters out all the noise, and all the negativity, and all the sorrow.
One day I'll be free. And it won't be when I marry a Prince, or take control of my own kingdom. But rather when I can find the courage in my heart to let go of everything and live peacefully amongst all the things I've ever wanted to break free from.
I hope you all can find the courage and strength in your hearts to be free. Because you're worth it more than you know.
The Peasant Queen