Changes

I have been in such a drought lately.

Now that I'm out in the "real world" my creativity is on the back burner and I'm stuck in this mundane cycle of normality.

And for anyone who knows me.

That is my biggest fear in life.

I miss being in school; dreaming about the world and the potential mark I would one day make upon it. I believed I could do anything. I believed in the strange soul that was blessed within my being. I believed that I had the power to change the world. I believed in it all, but then life unravels in unexpected ways.

I've learned that making your mark on the world is more difficult than I had imagined. So much of me wants to quit my unfullfilling day job and move to a new city. To take risks and make mistakes and experience new cultures and people.  I want to wake up each day and know that what I'm doing is making a difference in this world. I want to free the fire within me and inspire people. I want to do everything. And I want to be happy.

I am none of these things.

Part of me is so overwhelmed by the infinite choices the world offers, that I don't know where to begin. And part of me is afraid of it all.

But I've also learned that not everything's going to happen overnight. Life is a process, and we can't do everything all at once. Sometimes I forget that and experience major anxiety because my life is not set exactly how I want it.

Lately I've been neglecting myself. The glitter that once ran through my veins is diluted with the blood of my eternally broken heart. And the only way to find the sparkle again is to channel my inner 19 year old. The girl who, although had darkness deeply rooted within her, was not afraid to shine. To be herself.  To feel complete without the approval of others. I was whole. I was free. And I need that again or I won't be able to survive.

I can feel this period in my life being transitional, and I can't let that slip away. Sometimes the biggest sources of inspiration can be found in ourselves, so it's time I start listening to my soul and introduce myself to the ambition I once had.

I can't sit around and wait for my life to change. The only one who has that power is me, and I must use it wisely.

Goodnight!

xo g

Find your freedom in your weirdness

There are two raves always hardcore raging in my mind. One is at Barbie's dream house, the other in the Addams family castle. 

It has become routine for me to describe myself using odd, yet fitting analogies, as I am a dark and gloomy rainbow.

Exorcism Barbie.

A Lisa Frank sticker on the back of a murder’s tombstone. 

My contradictory strangeness is really not strange though. I've spent my young life diving deep into my dark and glittered soul. I’m constantly burrowing into the depths of my soul, as well as filling the crevices with new and interesting parts of my being that I’ll explore in the future.

We all have parts of us that cannot be seen, felt, or understood until we tap into ourselves and accept whatever our souls hold. I may seem unusual at times, but that’s only because I spend a lot of time discovering myself in solitude, which brings up everything life has given me thus far.

It takes a long time to fully accept yourself and what your soul is made of. But you won’t be able to unless you travel through your inner workings and find both your deepest darkness and your brightest light. 

We’re all “weird”. Every single one of us has unique qualities, interests, and habits that should be embraced and if someone has a problem with the original and beautiful person you were born to be, they’re not worthy of you. Get rid of every single person in your life that doesn't allow you to fully be yourself, open your soul, and find your freedom.

xo

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